I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize