My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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