i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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