I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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