the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize