ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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