Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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