She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
