He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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