Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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