the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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