There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's blow job season.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize