My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
