if you like me you must not know who I am
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
