I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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