i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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