my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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