Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
