My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
