Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
