Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
