Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
