Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
