so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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