Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize