I didn't shave. On purpose
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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