u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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