WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
