Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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