Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
