I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and she was petting her beer can
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
