walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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