Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
