it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
