So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
