fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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