Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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