OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
