the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
