I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
