you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
