We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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