i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
