Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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