she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
