When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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