but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
