New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
