dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
