Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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