I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize