I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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