he puts the penis in happiness.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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