Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
