He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
