He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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