i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
