had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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