I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
