just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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