Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
MIDGETS
????
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
