Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
