I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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