I cockslap morals
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
