He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
