the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
