It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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