I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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