Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
