I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
