you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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