i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Text me some of your sweat
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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