youre lurking in front of me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
