wat bout pragnant strippers??
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
