his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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