what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
