Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
