too bad you live with your parents still
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just pee around me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
