Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
