when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
