Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need a burrito and a hug.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
