is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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