Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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