Are we in a gay sports bar?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
