why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
