Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
